Archive for September 2007




How to Not Be a Jerk

I know I’ve posted a lot today, but I have to vent about this.  I can’t hold it in anymore.

 Yesterday at lunch,  I was in the kitchen about to prepare my frozen macaroni dinner.  There are two microwaves – one on one side of the kitchen and one on the other.  I walked over to a small table that is directly next to one of the microwaves.  It is there that I laid all my stuff and began opening my frozen dinner. 

 As I was doing this, some girl walks in and puts a huge flipping magazine on the tiny table that I was using.  Then, SEEING THAT I WAS OPENING MY FROZEN DINNER RIGHT NEXT TO THE MICROWAVE, she hurries and sticks her food into it and then sits down at MY table!  She actually by-passed an empty microwave to use the one that I was just about to use; then took over my table!

 Ok, so, people always want to know why I can be friends with anybody and everybody.  Here’s my big secret:  I DON’T DO BLATANTLY RUDE THINGS TO STRANGERS

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Add a comment September 28, 2007

Officer McFriendly

A couple nights ago, I got pulled over right near my house for having a headlight out. It was by far the most bizarre situation I’ve ever found myself in.  Typically, when I get pulled over, I’m furious and a little nervous.  But it was hard to be either of those things when Officer McFriendly showed up at my window and heartily congratulated me for getting us out of the way of moving traffic (I pulled into a Blockbuster parking lot).   After introducing himself and informing me (in the kindest of ways) that my headlight was out, he proceeded to educate me on what to do when a cop pulls me over.  I learned:

1.  To always move out of the way of traffic (which I had done quite nicely, according to Friendly-Face)

2.  Pull somewhere lit

3.  Don’t worry about not pulling over immediately if there is not a lit, out-of-the-way place to park right away.

Then he finally got to the point by saying (and please, to get a better idea of what I was experiencing, imagine the voice of Santa Clause when you read these quotes): “I’ve been pulling people over for busted headlights for 22 years.  I’ve never given a citation for it and I don’t plan on starting now.”

He filled out some paperwork and said something along the lines of “Now don’t let this scare you.  I just have to fill out some paperwork so that the department knows we’re talking to people.”  So I signed the warning and listened to another tidbit (that usually this late at night, pulling people over for busted headlights was really just a way to find drunk drivers); then he wished me a good night and we parted.

 I must say, couldn’t help but laugh when I passed a car with a busted headlight driving straight for my newest-made friend.

Add a comment September 28, 2007

Evil Shirt Day

My shirt was so hard to button this morning that I almost didn’t wear one at all.

Add a comment September 28, 2007

Quote of the Day

“Today’s not a good day to give up drinkin’ – not that I would!”

– comment made by co-worker early this morning

Add a comment September 27, 2007

Case of the Mondays

Bob’s out of the office today because of a family emergency and his secretary is out with  a sinus infection.  I’d like to say that this means I’ll be having a relaxing day…….yep………sure would like to say that….

 I’ll just have to be strong until I can leave and go to my hip-hop dance lessons with Sara!!! That’ll banish a case of the Mondays ANY day of the week!

Add a comment September 24, 2007

I need to wash my brain…

Today, I saw a man walk into the restroom with a newspaper in his hand.  Oh, the mental images? – Nothing a little hot water and a lot of scrubbing can’t cure.

Add a comment September 19, 2007

Correcting Tape

Correcting tape is a thin, white roll of tape that one uses to white out mistakes on paper.  It serves the same purpose as the liquid white-out, but it doesn’t leave a blotchy mess and you can take it off easily if you’d like. I use it constantly because it’s super fun.  I already loved the idea….

But the god of office supplies took this wonderful creation a step further: now we have roll-on correcting tape.  Yes, yes.  No more pulling it off the roll and trying to line it up before rubbing it on.  You simply take the tool, aim, and roll the plastic container across your line of text and it magically lays down the tape!!…..well, maybe not magically…but still –  WICKED!!

4 comments September 10, 2007

Word Vomit

In the movie Mean Girls, the phrase “word vomit” is used – describing what happens when you just suddenly and almost involuntarily start saying awful things about someone.  I think there is an epidemic of word vomit here at the firm.  People just start saying nasty things about each other all the time.  My most recent encounter almost made me vomit (for real).

 Someone asked me who I worked with and when I mentioned a particular name, the lady I was talking to immediately hurled all over me.  She gave me an earful about my co-worker and said terrible things about her.  In the midst of tearing my co-worker to shreds verbally, she was also singing the praises of another co-worker of mine, saying that the good co-worker should replace the bad co-worker.  The best part?  My friend (who had been standing there with me while I was backed into a corner by this lady) told me that usually, the mean lady bad-mouthed the “good co-worker” saying things that were completely opposite the things she’d told me.

So this is what I learned:  the word vomit epidemic is rampant and the only way to avoid it is to keep to yourself.  As one who wants to be friends with the whole world, I say:

 That’s not fair!    :*(

Add a comment September 10, 2007

Coffee, you say?

I had to get up very early this morning and take Josh to work before going to work myself.  Although I was driving and walking and talking, I was actually asleep in my brain.

 So this morning, when Josh asked me to buy him a bottled water at a gas station, I bought him coffee.

 Yeah, I really did that.

Add a comment September 6, 2007

Spider Bait

The other night, I got home late and so it was pretty dark outside.  I was walking to my front door in a hurry because I was super tired.  Well, nothing will wake you up like what happened to me.  Without warning, I feel this thick thread-like material spread across my face (my face).  It only took me about two seconds to realize I had walked into the most ginormous spiderweb ever; and it probably didn’t even take one whole second for me to see the incredibly enormous spider that was scurrying around (and by around, I mean towards me) because something caught on its web.

……….

Yeah, I screamed.  So loudly, in fact, that my father came to the door to see what was going on…except he didn’t see me (because I had dashed several yards away swiping at my face).  But I didn’t want to go up to the door again, and so I threw things at the door until he got back up and came to the door again.  And he still had to smack the spider with a fly-swatter before I would come anywhere near the door.

 That had better not happen again.

Add a comment September 6, 2007

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